That was the year that was

Well, it's been a funny old year, one way or another.

I started blogging on a regular basis back in May, had my first ever operation, went for a ride in Emma Kennedy's car and picked up a rapier for the first time. In between I've been to Birmingham at least once a week, drunk lots of different sorts of beer and played some video games. In other places I've cheered for Richard Herrings in the other boat race and when Billy got his cheque back.

In the end though, my life comes down to a very simple rhythm - I've just been out for a walk in the woods with the dog, and then settled down to write this with a purry cat sat on my lap. This makes me happy, and I can't ask for anything more than that.

Escaped convict found inside sofa

This must be the most bizarre news headline of the year.

Pigs on the wing

Nation States

	The Most Serene Republic of Burncross "We may not be right, but at least we're relaxed"
UN Category: Democratic Socialists Civil Rights: Very Good Economy: Developing Political Freedoms: Good
Location: UGVM The Most Serene Republic of Burncross is a huge, socially progressive nation, renowned for its devotion to social welfare. Its compassionate population of 399 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt. It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Social Welfare. The average income tax rate is 82%, and even higher for the wealthy. The private sector is almost wholly made up of enterprising fourteen-year-old boys selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars, smoking is banned in public areas, the military frequently holds bake sales to raise funds, and the government is avowedly atheist. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Burncross's national animal is the kakapo, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the pobble bead. Burncross is ranked 3rd in the region and 22,970th in the world for Most Beautiful Environments. --------------- I've been playing NationStates for a while now, and it's as fun and occasionally thought provoking as ever. Anybody else going to give it a go?

Tsunami

The scale of this disaster continues to beggar belief. It seems that the death toll will top 100,000 when the effects of disease are included but worse still will be the economic effects on some of the poorest areas of the world. The tourist and fishing industries have been devastated and are unlikely to recover for many years.

Will we put the same effort and resource into tackling this as we did into the "war on terror"? Somehow I doubt it.

Things normal children don't say #5

"But I wanted to search the evil altar!"

Boxing Day

Another fun day.

I finally got around to setting up a Dungeons and Dragons game for the kids and I think that they are now hooked, even if Ms Dogwood has learned not to run into rooms first and open chests without checking for traps first ... We were playing with the new Dungeons and Dragons basic set that was one of Master Dogwood's christmas pressies - it's excellent value for money with literally everything that you need to start playing D&D with some nifty minitures, dungeon plans and some very clear and concise rules. Recommended if you have any interest in role playing games.

Saturnalia

From the Astronomy Picture of the Day comes this simply stunning picture of Saturn from Cassini. It's available in a fantastic 5mb hi resolution version too.

Festive fish

Illuminated manuscripts

White Christmas

What a fantastic day.

The kids were still in bed when I went out for the first walk of the day and just as I got to the wood the snow started to fall, large flakes softly pattering on the ground. I returned home to a warm house with happy children opening presents from their stockings, a nice cup of tea and some toasted home made bread with three fruit marmalade for breakfast.

More presents were opened after breakfast, and I am now the proud owner of an acre of the moon and a small book of Shakespearean insults amongst other things, the children had everything they wanted including the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack for Ms Dogwood and the new Incredibles game for Master Dogwood for his Gamecube.

Mrs Dogwood did us proud with a magnificient Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and I had to loosen my belt a notch to clean my plate. After doing the washing up I was incapable of doing anything more than retiring to bed for a snooze.

A merry little christmas, indeed.

Christmas Eve Kerfuffle

After the afternoon walk with the dogs (just missing the downpour) we came in and I put the heating on because I was feeling a bit chilly. A little while later I was still chilly so I went to have a look at the boiler to find that it wasn't working. On switching it on, the pump started up and the burner light would come on briefly before going off again.

Oh. No heating and no hot water for Christmas. Great.

I rang the British Gas service line and they sent somebody out within the hour. He looked at the boiler and made that peculiar sucking sound with his teeth to indicate that this didn't look like being a ten minute job, so Mrs Dogwood nipped out to buy an electric heater just in case.

In the end, after the chappie had stripped everything down it turned out that some rain water had blown in through the air vent and filled the bit where the burner is, shorting out the control circuit that should keep it lit, and drying it out cured it. Huzzah for British Gas and huzzah for Asda who will take back the heater if we don't need it.

The second kerfuffle of the day came a little later when Mrs Dogwood put her cup of tea in the new microwave to warm it up for 20 minutes instead of 20 seconds and boiled it dry. Still no harm done, other than a rather interesting dried on tea pattern on the turntable in microwave, which is still working against all expectations.

Season's Greetings

Fingers crossed

An important moment for the Cassini-Huygens mission today as the Huygens probe is sent on its way to attempt to land on Titan.

ID Cards update

I faxed my mp (Helen Jackson) to say that EDS should on no account be considered for running any potential ID card system giving the complete hash they have made of every other large government system they have implemented. Apparently my letter has been passed on to the home office minister responsible (Des Brown) for consideration.

I am not one for political pontification on this blog, but ID cards are something that really worries me. They are proposing to consolidate vast amounts of data for no clear purpose, in a huge system that will interface with every bit of government and a lot of private business (businesses will be 'encouraged' to check the id of potential employees). If they can't manage to implement a child support system that only needs to collect four items of information per person how the hell are they going to do this one?

Aged P Update

Well, they finally arrived last night after about seven hours on the road having taken a diversion through Nottingham and an eleven mile stationary queue of traffic. Still, we're all set now ...

2 4 6 8 Motorway

The house is clean and tidy, the man from tescos has delivered most of our food and Mrs Dogwood bought the last few bits and bobs from the local supermarket, most of the presents are wrapped and I think we are all set for christmas. The only problem is that the aged ps aren't here yet. They are heading up the motorway from down south, and checking the traffic reports shows a big pile up near Chesterfield, so it's a fair assumption that they are stuck in it somewhere.

You say Halo, I wave goodbye

Well, I've finished it.

In the last ninety minutes I have fought a tank battle, sniped at brutes across a bridge, stormed a gun emplacement with plasma grenades, flown aerial support for a leviathan fighting machine and finally faced down a lunatic attempting to destroy the galaxy with an ancient weapon.

What a rush. Easily one of the best gaming experiences that I have ever had, epic in scope and finely polished. The storyline was intricate and with plenty of twists, and ended on one hell of a cliff hanger.

Roll on Halo 3 ...

Solstice

I was up well before the dawn this morning. By the time the sun rose, I had already been on the road for an hour on my way to Birmingham. The actual sun rise was spectacular - like a mountain of fire boiling through the low lying mist on the horizon. Seven and a half hours later I watched it set again, just before I set off for the return journey home.

I'd had a busy day - changing the location of the pricelist database, working out why the contracts manager didn't have access to it, moving the main accounts files to the new server, changing all of the shortcuts and favourites links that people had set up (and didn't know how to change) and setting up a new query in the timesheets database. Still, I came away with a nice bottle of Shiraz from my boss and a selection box from the payroll manager (*grin*) and some nice compliments.

The traffic was the usual nightmare, and by the time I got home I was dog tired unlike the dog who was raring to go for his walkies. I kept myself going for a bit longer before flaking out on the sofa with a comfort coffee with a dash of hazelnut syrup and a brandy and amaretto cream thingy on top.

The holidays start here ...

My little weather station forecast snow ...

... and it was right!

The Phantom of the Opera

The film of the stage show of the book, directed by uber schlockmeister Joel Schumacher is a veritable curate's egg - an overblown mess, but enjoyable in parts. The big production numbers, for example the masked ball, are fabulously glitzy, although the main 'Phantom of the Opera' signature tune falls curiously flat. Some of the more intimate moments work well - Jennifer Ellison's brief appearance as the young dancer Meg is spine chilling - but some of the romantic duets between the two leads Patrick Wilson as the handsome Viscounte de Chagny and Emmy Rossum as the ingenue singer Christine are cringeworthy. The film is redeemed by Gerard Butler as the eponymous phantom, a brooding, sinister presence manipulating events in the Opera Populaire.

The story is opened up a little bit more than the stage show, with a flashback sequence stolen wholesale from 'The Elephant Man', but it is the music that is the attraction here. I've seen the stage show twice, and on the whole it is a more satisfying experience than the film. However, if you like the music and can see the film on a big screen with good sound you will enjoy it - Ms Dogwood certainly did. Others will prefer to wait for the dvd so they can skip past the dull bits.

The Ex Files

The latest from the ex is a Christmas card to Ms Dogwood, signed with her name rather than 'Mum'. She also signs it from her new boyfriend and his two children. Pure thoughtlessness, and rather upsetting for Ms Dogwood.

Oh, and we've also had two phonecalls from the new boyfriend asking Ms to call her mother. Go figure.

White Christmas

If anyone is need of a bit of festive cheering up then go and have a look at John Otway's free mp3 download this week ...

Home is where I wanna be ...

So, it's a good job I'm here, isn't it.

Mrs Dogwood has decked the halls, I've just had a smoked salmon, creme fraiche and asparagus pizza for tea, I've got a glass of Banana Bread beer at my side and a purry cat on my lap. It's supposed to be my office christmas party tonight, but I'm damned if I'm going to Birmingham on a Friday night for a dull meal with cheap wine.

So, raise a glass and prepare to celebrate whichever festival takes your fancy. The year is turning and it is time to take stock, prepare for the future and enjoy a respite from the worries of the world. I've just got the server consolidation to deal with on Monday and Tuesday and then I've got nearly two weeks of food, drink, walks with the dog and video games.

Best of all the ex is going to be 1500 miles away ... :-)

If this is Thursday, this must be Leeds

Leeds again today, and I didn't even bother trying to get a space in the main car park, so I left the motorway one junction further up and went straight to the overflow car park instead. I walked into town at lunch time and made the mistake of getting my sushi from Pret a Manger rather than Little Tokyo - it was cheaper, but nowhere near as nice - the rice was dry and crumbly, and the rolls were smaller and not as interesting. The only saving grace was the wasabi which was fresh and eye wateringly hot. Not recommended.

I found a suitable book as a Christmas present for my nephew in Waterstones, and then went on a fruitless quest for chocolate covered cherries for Mrs Dogwood. No joy, not even in the Thornton's shop which had a very disappointing selection of chocolately comestibles on offer. Still, that's the last of the Christmas shopping done. We've got a big shop arriving from Tescos next Wednesday, and I suppose that there might be some odds and ends to buy if something is not in stock, but I think that we are all set.

About time too!

Well, I've had a rotten day - a bizarre and upsetting text from the ex to Ms Dogwood, the lingering remains of my injuries (oh, and add a burnt finger from ironing to the list), a long journey to Leeds today (and parking in the overflow car park with a laptop and a box of envelopes to carry), endless questions about the new timesheet system from clueless users who haven't read the notes (cunningly hidden behind a link that says 'Click Here for Help') and the beginnings of a cold (I got chills, they're multiplying). However, this has brightened my day ...

What do we pay them for exactly?

I finally got direct access to the timesheets database today, after asking for it for the last two months. I have to use pc-anywhere to connect to a server in our Birmingham office and then connect again via remote desktop to the machine on the other side of the firewall, but it works reasonably smoothly and should allow me to manage the database.

I checked the sql database set up and was, shall we say, perturbed, to discover that there were no database optimisation or backup routines running in the sql server agent. I rang the management company who assured me that they were doing backups, which it transpired was a backup of the whole machine every night. All very well, but useless if we ever needed to do a selective database restore or rollback. It's set up now, so I'll need to check it is running tomorrow. I was under the impression that we were paying them to manage the server, but it appears that all they are doing is changing the tapes in the tape drive. Sigh.

Trip

I have had a worrying number of accidents in the last 24 hours. Perhaps I am still tired from Saturday, or maybe I'm pre-occupied with things to think about, but I'm not operating at full mental capacity at the moment.

The first one was my own fault. I was trying to put something on top of the wardrobe in our bedroom, so I stood on the chair. I couldn't quite reach so I balanced my foot on the edge of the laundry basket to give me a small boost. It's a reasonably sturdy box structure with a lift up lid that has an inset lattice of thin wooden strips. I thought that I was secure resting my foot on the fairly substantial surround, but I had forgotten that I was wearing socks and the surround was slippy. My foot slipped and cracked through the lattice, and I toppled backwards over the chair twisting my leg in the process as the laundry box fell over on its side.

Resultant injuries : one scraped and bruised shin

The next injury came on my nightly walk in the woods. I was on autopilot with the torch trained on the dog ahead of me on the path. I picked my phone out of my pocket to check my diary for the next day when my foot connected with a large tree branch halfway across the path and I was left flailing to stay upright.

Resultant injuries : one stubbed toe and a jarred ankle

The final incident occurred when I was scurrying upstairs to the shower, wearing just a towel around my waist. Near the top of the stairs the towel came loose and tangled round my foot, tripping me up so that I landed heavily on the top step.

Resultant injuries : one bruised forearm

All in all, I think I am fairly lucky to have escaped more serious injuries from any of those accidents.

In dreams

I've been having some strange dreams recently. I'll just make a list of some of the themes and see if a pattern emerges:

• I found a series of extra rooms in my house (which had turned into a bungalow). The last room contained a baby brown bear who had crept in through a dog flap in the sun room and then tried to bite me.
• Looking out of my bedroom window I saw a large hollow tree in the garden inhabited by actors wearing orange owl costumes. It was alright, because apparently they had been renting the tree before we moved in.
• I was in an old church where Richard Herring was filming a show that was a spoof memorial of his life. Part of it involved a revolving sofa on a large turntable.
• A storm was blowing outside the house and water was flooding down the walls and into the electrical sockets. In the attic my dad was looking at a fuse box and saying that it was unsafe. I picked up an old light bulb and it illuminated in my hand, getting brighter and brighter until it exploded in a shower of sparks.

Any ideas?

Duel

My opponent was young - less than half my age, I reckoned. He was fast and agressive, moving quickly round the room. I held him at bay with a ward in seconde - my blade held palm down, low and with my tip trained on his throat. I let him dance around me for a while, gauging his measure and threw a few stocatta lunges under his blade to see how he would react.

I could see him start to tire of the game, as his attacks became less controlled and wilder. Time to finish this dance. I lowered my ward to a dropped point seconde and took a half step backwards. He went for the open line, lunging at my shoulder but I was ready for him. I took a slope pace to the right, held the flat of his sword with my gauntleted left hand to deflect it over my shoulder and locked the line of my sword in my right hand, hitting him straight and true in the heart.

Touche!

What's that song?

From b3ta, a random music quiz ...

Tawny Owls

Judging by the sound recording on here I reckon that the owl that I can hear in the woods is a female tawny.

Listing

I like lists. It gives me a sense of purpose and an incentive to do things, so I can tick them off. I had two lists today :

Work

• Set up data for subcontractors
• Enter sample invoices
• Check ODBC connectivity issues for referring to two SQL databases in one application
• Extract the name and address table from the accounts system
• Check the vb code for importing transactions
• Email the programmer re moving the 'update all rows' button
• Email the technical manager about getting a copy of the server backup files
• Make sure the purchasing manager knows how to add items to the price database
  

Home

• Put some washing on
  
• Hoover the floor
• Put the washing on the drying rack
• Ring BT to get a code to cancel our broadband account
• Ring Talk Talk to set up new account (cheaper and no limit)
  
• Email the child benefit people to check the amount of our claims
• Find Ms Dogwood's appointment card for the orthodontist
• Fill in a form to have my share dividends paid into my bank (all £13 of them!)
  
• Do some of the ironing

I can report that all items have been ticked off - huzzah!

I spy

Unusual animals spotted this morning, 2.

As I walked along the edge of the field on the way to the woods, the owl that has taken up residence recently flew overhead, close enough that I could feel the air displaced by its wings and yet completely silent. It was quite unnerving and I felt a pang of pity for any field mice not under cover at that moment. On the way back the dog tugged on his lead and went to sniff at what looked like an old football. Shining the torch on it revealed it to be a very cute hedgehog, but no doubt ridden with pestilential infections and fleas so I reeled the dog in before he could get any closer.

CNPS numbers, 3.

My most productive day ever, with 41, 42 and 43. I also saw a 45 and a 46, which just shows that the Gods are up to their old tricks ...

Gaping holes in our new timesheets system, 1.

The new timesheets system seems to be functioning reasonably well, barring the users who clearly haven't read the notes that I have done and keep asking 'why doesn't update all of the rows that I've entered?' to which the simple reply is that 'You didn't click on the 'update all rows' button at the bottom of the screen'

More worrying is the reaction of my boss, who now wants to use the system to generate invoices for third party contractors when there is nowhere to hold any of the relevant information for the amount of the invoice, cost of sales and coding apart from a limited notes field. Once again we are going to try and use a system for a purpose that it is blatently not designed for. Sigh.

Kerfuffle

Leeds today, and after dropping Ms Dogwood off at school I arrived at the office a minute or two after nine. I picked my way through the car park looking for a space, but the place was full. There is some building work going on at the far end which takes up a quarter of the available spaces and it looked as though there was a sales meeting due today, judging by the number of company Lagunas in situ.

I carefully reversed the entire way back to the entrance and parked up by the front door. The security guard bustled out of the door, red faced and puffed up with self-important excitement.

"You can't park there! You'll 'ave to move it!"
"I know" I replied "I need to get a permit for the overflow car park from the desk upstairs"

He harrumphed a few times, and eventually let me past to the receptionist on the first floor. I asked her how to get to the LA Bowl where we have extra car parking spaces and she told me I just had to do a sort of u-turn and follow the road around.

Hmmm, not easy when our office is on one side of a motorway junction and the other car park is on the far side of a tricky one way system. I headed in a likely looking direction and found myself on a spur of the motorway with no obvious turn off in sight. I filtered into the left hand lane and took the first exit after a couple of minutes, and then sat and waited in a queue. There had been a three car accident at the top of the slip road, and the traffic was at a standstill whilst insurance details were swapped and photos taken.

Eventually I turned right at the top and headed back in the direction of the office, and gambled on which turning to take off the road on the way back. Fortunately I guessed right and parked up and walked into the office, having wasted over half an hour. Sigh.

Oh, and I also found out that I need to be putting three times as much into my pension as I am at the moment if I don't want to live on cat food in my dotage ...

Walking in a winter gumbyland

There is a pestilence sweeping this land. Year on year, it worsens and spreads its malign influence wider. There is no escaping it. It is ... The Curse of the Creeping Christmas Candescence.

I am not a complete curmudgeon. I am looking forward to a break of a week or so off work to eat, drink and be merry (for tomorrow we diet). I enjoy presents and the glitter of Christmas decorations (although I prefer the exquisite tracings of a hoar frost on a bright winter's morn).

My cavil is with the apparent need of people to flaunt garish and crass displays outside their houses. Giant trees festooned with lights, electric icicles cycling through a stroboscopic pattern, gurning santas, inflatable snowmen and plastic reindeer.

Enough, I say! Time was, when a restrained and tasteful holly wreath might be hung on the front door for a few days either side of Christmas day. Perhaps the curtains in the front room might be drawn for a time to display a glimpse of a tree within or an advent candle burning on the window sill. Now people do not seem to be satisfied unless they are burning enough mega watts of electricity to power a small town.

Why the need for this ostentatious vulgarity from the start of December until well into the New Year? Who is going to see and appreciate these displays, apart from low flying aircraft and passing reindeer? There was a story in the news last year of a house festooned with an obscene number of lights that was a local attraction until it burnt to the ground, killing the unfortunate inhabitants in the resultant conflagration. Poetic justice, perhaps?

Bah! Humbug!

The Incredibles

Mr Incredible, a lantern jawed hero from the golden age. Fighting crime, helping the helpless, even rescuing cats from trees. You just need to ask one question : what would happen in the real world?

He would get his ass sued, of course.

Fast forward fifteen years. The 'supers' have gone underground and retired from costumed duties. Mr Incredible has married Elastigirl and settled down to raise a family in suburbia, working at a job as a loss adjuster in an insurance company where his only opportunity to help the helpless is telling people how to fill in their claim forms.

The only problem, is that the old days are calling him. He sits in his study looking at his trophies and newspaper clippings. He listens to police radio on the off chance of being able to save somebody from a burning building. What will he do when he gets the chance to put on the spandex one last time?

This a fantastic movie.

The animation from Pixar touches new heights, with the scenes set inside a secret base inside a volcano with curtains of molten lava, and the surrounding rivers and oceans being rendered in exquisite detail. More importantly though, the characters have depth and pathos. Mr Incredible and his wife have a strong and believable relationship, and the children act just like real children would, assuming they had super powers that is.

The plot is very much super heroes in the real world, following similar lines to the classic Alan Moore series Watchmen, with the supers reminiscing about the old days whilst a killer takes revenge against them and plots an atrocity. There is even a riff on the theme of why super hero costumes having capes is a very bad idea.

There are plenty of references to spot, but they are not overwhelming. Fans of the Fantastic Four will particularly enjoy the final scene, and there a slightly cruel X-Men visual gag at one point, but on the whole the Incredibles universe stands on its own.

Highly recommended.

Scenes from my life

I fence rapiers, I have driven in a sports car with a glamorous actress and I have just licked champagne from a bare breast.

Isn't life fun?

... and, no, I am not just trying to up my google rankings ... :-)

The Curious Incident of the Pizza in the Night

I've put my foot in it twice tonight.

Mrs Dogwood returned from the shops bearing three pizzas - one for me, one for Mrs Dogwood and one for Ms Dogwood (Dogwood Junior had soup earlier). Ms Dogwood likes anchovies on her pizza and I was tasked with putting some on for her and putting it in the oven whilst Mrs Dogwood got changed.

So far, so simple.

Only problem was, I was busy listening to the end of the Now Show on radio 4, and I wasn't really paying attention, so I spelt out Ms Dogwood's name in anchovies on the the wrong pizza - I picked up the pepperoni one rather than the plain one, and by the time Mrs Dogwood noticed it was too late to take them off.

Strike one for incompetance.

The second case of foot in mouth was when I was trying to set the video to tape the Mark Steel lecture tonight. I had taped Harry Hill last Sunday night, and I was trying to find the end of the programme on the tape. I rewound for ages and then realised that the sky box had been switched from Paramount to ITV2 for I'm a Celebrity a couple of minutes into the programme.

I started to rant about it, but I didn't stop to think that if I had said that I was taping something then Mrs Dogwood would not have changed channels on purpose.

What a stupid, insensitive clod I am.

Mrs Dogwood, I'm sorry ...

I blog therefore I am

This is a slightly unusual entry. Anybody that uses blogspot regularly will know that of late it has been a bit slow and unreliable, to say the least. MSN have decided to muscle in on the blogging act with something called MSN Spaces, so I'm going to give it a whirl to see what it's like. I'll probably post in both places for a while to compare and contrast the two before making a decision as to whether to switch or not.

I'm going to revive my original blog name too, so go and have a look a http://spaces.msn.com/members/randomjottings and let me know what you think.

I'm experimenting with the permissions on it, so let me know if you have problems getting access and I'll add you to my contact list.

Tidy

I've been asking Ms Dogwood to tidy her room for some time now - the last fourteen years to be precise - and tonight I decided to go in and blitz it. I more than filled a large bin bag with assorted rubbish, and that's before tackling the storage boxes full of My Little Pony toys that she won't throw away because they might be worth money on ebay one day. Still, at least the floor is visible now, and her school books are in some sort of order.